Hurricane Laura is set to hit coasts in Louisiana and Texas later tonight, having increased in strength from a tropical storm to a potential catastrophic category 5 emergency. When she was just a tropical storm, I told my husband that she would intensify because she wanted to be noticed, reckoned with, tired of just being termed a “tropical storm.” Of course, I was speaking about myself, and my goal to speak up for myself this year, tired of letting people get away with saying things that I don’t address, letting people treat me like I won’t speak up or take action, and feeling frustrated and disrespected because I didn’t know how to set my boundaries. I was only partly joking, but I also partly hoped that Laura would gain in fury, as a sign that I would be able to learn how to push back when necessary.

Now, Laura is gaining strength, and I’m praying that she will be kind and destruction will be minimized. I want a strong Laura, but I mean me, not the hurricane. There is a storm inside me, churning, gaining strength, but I will not unleash this with no thought and no control. This Laura is thoughtful, but in a way that considers herself and what is best for her.

This Laura is taking action, learning not to care so much about the “right” thing to do and what others will think. This Laura seeks happiness and fulfillment and joy and creation and love. This Laura will relinquish judgment and drama and grudges. And this Laura will let her anger come out in a way that is appropriate and doesn’t diminish her or others, in a way that clearly states “This is unacceptable to me and I won’t allow it.”

This Laura is probably a category 3 hurricane right now, building from a tropical storm-level earlier in the year and a light rain storm last year. My inner storm isn’t building as quickly as Hurricane Laura, but it will remain inside me and strengthen me. It will appear like a beautiful summer storm with brilliant lightning, the occasional grumble of thunder, and a gentle rain to calm and clean and cool. And I will allow it to pass and know that it was necessary and natural, but never harmful.